"How To Take The First Step Towards Serious Transformation" from Create The Love
“How To Take The First Step Towards Serious Transformation”
Source: Create The Love Podcast w/ Stefanos Sifandos (Listen: 1 hr, 5 min)
Contributor: Selena Garcia
“Often you don’t need to know where a behavior comes from in order to know you don’t want to do it anymore.” - Mark Groves
More often than not, it takes a jolt. A breakup or divorce, loss of a job—a rock bottom event—to kick ourselves into gear. But no matter how hard some of us try, there's no biohacking the inner work. We're often aware that something needs to change in our lives before we're forced to face it.
In this talk between Mark Groves and Stefanos Sifandos, we’re reminded that the pain of not changing needs to outweigh the pain of changing. That surrendering to the unknown invites something different into our life.
DESCRIPTION: “Stefanos Sifandos is a trained educator and relationship expert with a background in behavioral science. He is passionate about leading people closer to their highest potential and to each other.”
“Join us this week for a deep dive into how to take the first steps towards seriously changing your life and the way you relate. Stefanos will walk you through the masculine perspective, shame spirals, and how to create space to heal and take the leap from the old you, to the new you.”
While they offer a male perspective through some of the experiences they share, this advice is not directed toward men or focused on the masculine. Stefanos works a lot with couples and can hold space for the feminine and masculine, pointing out that some of our greatest mirrors are that of an intimate union.
Wherever you are in your journey, it's essential to hold space for yourself. No canceling yourself out.
“We have to surround ourselves with people that are willing to shadow walk with us. People that are willing to go deeper with us.” - Stefanos Sifandos
(4:50) STEFANOS: "I think back in my life, and some of the biggest breakthroughs and realizations I've had have come from having my entire or part of my paradigm shattered."
(5:39) MARK: "Usually most of my real expansive personal growth experiences have come from my own poor choice, but the majority of them have come actually from someone telling me how I'm experienced by the world. Usually a woman. And it might not have landed exactly in that moment, but it did make sense maybe six months later, or it shook something in me that said, ‘Integrity is actually on the other side of what you're avoiding.’ So, there is something to that.”
(21:20) STEFANOS: "We have to surround ourselves with people that are willing to shadow-walk with us. People that are willing to go deeper with us."
(27:25) STEFANOS: "Something that's really interesting is people want this ideal life, but they're not willing to release the aspects or the experiences they've had that have formed their identity to the life that they currently have, and they're so attached to that life because if I don't do this then who am I? If I'm not an angry person, who am I? If I'm not a jealous person, then who am I? If I'm not a sad person, if I'm not accustomed to playing the victim, if I'm not codependent needing someone else's love to validate my self-worth, then who am I? Most people, we're not willing to let go of that. We're not willing to release that to step into the unknown because the unknown is so scary even though there is a possibility that it may enliven our lives and enrich who we are."
(29:48) MARK: "I find when you do the healing work within yourself, not only do you stop passing on as much stuff to the next generation, you also heal up because you have to change how you relate to your parents. I remember hearing once, really powerful was, ‘Start to think of your parents as the children of parents.’ And then you get some context, at least, maybe some compassion which is not the same thing as saying what they did was okay. That's totally different. It's still saying what happened or what occurred was not okay, but at least I have some understanding of why the thing happened or why the thing occurred."
(32:22) MARK: "I find so many people are on that process of wanting to understand. Seeking the understanding first. And so they might understand where it comes from and as you're saying that's such an important aspect of it. I sort of think often you don't need to know where a behavior comes from in order to know you don't want to do it anymore."
LISTEN TO THE FULL PODCAST, HERE. (1 Hr, 5 min)
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